Crotchety ranting: "Architecture"

Ugh, I hate industrial chic. (My friend M tells me that I can go ahead and use this blog as a forum for my crotchety ranting.)

The latest adventures of the breast feeding mafia

The NYTimes Motherlode blog reports that the International Breast Milk project is engaging in an effort to send breast milk to Haiti. If you had a plane and resources on the ground to get food to needy families, wouldn't it be far more efficient (and less wasteful) to get clean water and food to women who are able to nurse, and maybe even, gasp... formula for the kids whose mothers are not able to nurse?

(Addenda: Jan 28) As you can see, I was skeptical of the value of loading a plane with highly perishable breast milk on dry ice, rather than food and water...), so I dug deeper into the motivation for seeking breast milk donations

"... after the Asian tsunami of 2004. According to the Emergency Nutrition Network, some 72% of families with infants received donated baby formula. The result was a dramatic decline in breastfeeding and a tripling of diarrheal diseases among babies, the British group concluded. "People are really well-meaning, and it's a very difficult concept for people to grasp," said lactation consultant Gina Ciagne. "But breastfeeding is going to be so much better."

That seems to make a little more sense. In addition, formula is friggin expensive and the last thing most Haitian families need is a kid who will only drink formula. And an adult human could survive 2 weeks without food, but a newborn baby could not. So I take back what I said about breastmilk being an inefficient use of cargo space.

Sleep Training, and other unnecessary parenting worries

If I had to do it all over again, I would have never let myself near Berkeley Parents Network when I was a new mom. Sure I got a lot of great used stuff at great prices, but at the price of adding a lot of stress to my life. BPN is full of parents who are worried that they are doing the wrong thing with their kids, or that their kid is or isn't doing something.

Many parenting topics are like religion -- there are no right and wrong answers, the best approach is the one that works for the parents and the child. And while there is the occasional kid who actually has development problems, most kids are just picking up things at their own pace.

There are 2786 titles on Amazon on the topic of 'Sleep Training' and 300 titles on weaning. Interestingly, there are also 118 titles on 'Overparenting.' I have to admit that Spencer was right that kids eventually grow up on their own and that you don't have to worry too much about about co-sleeping, weaning, sleep training. I hope he's right about potty training too.

Oliviaisms: Eating

For now, Olivia is an adventurous eater and thinks she's missing out if she sees you eating something that you haven't offered her. Yesterday I was preparing a bowl of pickled onions as a condiment for a dish that Spencer was making. I taste tested one of the onions, then heard a little voice below me saying 'That, that' and pointing to the bowl. After getting a bite of onion, she said 'I like it.'

Bad Mother?

I'm embarrassed to admit that I regularly read mommy blogs. What has become of me?

Anyway, in one of the parenting blogs I read, the author identified 'Calling yourself a bad mom' as one of the 'Top parenting trends for 2009'

The author comments that 'the amusing thing about this trend is that all these parents who think they're so bad really aren't bad at all.' I've read a few of these so called ' bad mommy' blogs and I will go one step further to say ... 'Get over yourself. Calling yourself a bad parent is like Heidi Klum calling herself fat.'

Has parenting has become so competitive that a mom has to be apologetic if she doesn't feed her kids 100% organic food. When did putting your kid in front of the TV become a reason to call Social Services?

Classic Tantrums: My lunch

My sister commented on the last episode, 'Could the tantrum have been avoided if you had asked Olivia if you could share?' Yesterday's tantrum may shed some light on that question. Olivia and I went to the hot food bar at Whole Foods for lunch today. I got a large plate of food for us to share. She was a good girl. Even though she was hungry with big eyes as we put chicken and macaroni and cheese on the plate, she patiently waited for us to pay. We sat down to eat and I said 'Olivia, will you share this food with Mommy,' she immediately pulled the plate away from me and said 'MINE.' I decided to just let her have the food (and that I would eat whatever was left,) but it was too late -- the crying episode had started. After letting her cry for 5 (10?) minutes, I distracted her by taking her outside to visit a dog. She was happy, but the unhappiness resumed when we sat down again. She eventually started eating and all was fine.

I had definitely thought about getting two separate plates of food while in the hot bar line. I made the risk assessment of a potential tantrum against trying to handle 2 plates and an independently minded toddler in a grocery store. I know now to weigh the tantrum more heavily in future calculations.

Rookie move

I made a rookie move and scheduled a pediatrician appt the same time that Olivia usually naps. She is sure to be one happy camper (it's a shot heavy appointment.)

Classic Tantrum Episode #1: My Spinach

We had pizza for dinner on Sunday. I ordered a spinach and feta pizza, and Olivia picked the spinach off the pizza and left it on the side of her plate.

Monday: We made leftover pizza for lunch. Olivia was fussy while eating it, so I did her a favor and picked the spinach off and ate it. Wrong move. Apparently, the spinach was more than just a condiment, me eating it launched a 20 minutes tantrum.

About 15 minutes into the tantrum (and a time out,) she stuck her hand into my mouth and dug around for the spinach that I had taken from her. This was really funny. (The thing about most toddler tantrums is that they are pretty amusing if you are not late for a doctor appointment or work.)

Now, your opportunity to be an armchair parent. Use the comments field to tell me how I should have handled the situation.

Oliviaisms: Pizza and the Reverse Atkins diet

When we get pizza, Olivia eats the cheese (and licks the sauce) off the pizza but leaves the crust.

New Feature -- Classic Tantrums

In this new blog feature, we'll document classic moments with defiant and insistent Olivia. Unlike previous features 'Judgmental parent roundtable,' 'Olivia-isms,' and 'Classics from BPN,' we're likely to have plenty of material to keep this feature going.

Some background -- Olivia has been in the terrible twos for some time. She is insistent that she has do to things by herself -- get into the car by herself, choose her outfits, get up and down from her chair, close the door.

As an example, if we try to put her into the carseat, she will jump not only out of her seat but out of the car so that she can do it herself. We usually succumb (a la 'choose your battles' school of parenting.)

Most of the literature attributes toddler tantrums to the child being at a crossroads of becoming independent and not being able to communicate. We may be in trouble, as Olivia's language skills are a bit behind for her cohort.

Feel free to use the comments field to give us guidance on not spoiling the kid (but maintaining our sanity -- i.e., giving in.)

Spencer Scissorhands

Spencer and I both often have to work on weekends. Often, I'll watch Olivia since Spencer's weekend work usually involves table saws and nail guns. Needless to say, I don't get as much done as I would like. So, when Spencer offered to take Olivia to the office last weekend, I jumped at the chance to get caught up on some work and home projects.

As a side story, I had been wanting to take Olivia for a haircut for months, but Spencer loved her long hair and wanted to be there for her first haircut. Trying to be a good partner, I resisted the urge to take Olivia to get a cute over the shoulder uni-length bob cut for months.

Imagine my dismay when Olivia returned home from work that day with bangs poking out of her little hat.

I'm not sure what the next steps should be ... maybe getting the rest of her hair cut shorter (a la Suri Cruise @ 24 months?)